Giving up (max back squat AAR)

I don't expect to hit every lift I attempt... that's the point of pushing yourself.  If I'm not failing sometimes I'm probably not going hard enough.

That said, I'm still ticked at myself for quitting on my back squat yesterday.  The workout was lotsa hip mobility and 3x3 back squat -- that's it, no metcon, nothing to leave gas in the tank for (besides a short CAL practice), and I knew I would bounce back from the heavy squats in more than enough time for Saturday.

I hit both of my old 2-rep maxes -- 155 and 175 -- for 3 reps, and was feeling really good.  My last CFT gave me a 2RM of 190 (or 195?  Don't have my book here.) and I felt confident to try and hit 200.  Which I got off the rack, down, and most of the way back up... before I dumped it.

Shit, right?  I did like 75% of the work and let it go.  When I was under the bar it seemed like I was never going to be able to stand it up, but the reality was I had already broken parallel.  It wasn't like I got stuck in the hole.  It might have taken me a dozen or a few dozen more seconds, but I wish I had stayed in the fight.  And I'm pretty sure if I had the confidence to get it up once, I could have gotten it twice, and hopefully that 3rd rep as well.

When I broke 200 on my deadlift late last summer, it was a huge mind game for me - to the point that the next time I attempted it I had somebody else load my bar.  Once I broke it and knew I could break it, I've been fine -- I recently pulled 230 for 3 reps (previous PR was 225 for 2) and feel confident I'll be able to get that up even more on my next CFT.

At least for me, the numbers screw with my head even moreso than the weight does.  It's a mental game.  I know I've got good depth, I've been squatting for some 11 months and have pretty good motor patterns ingrained (and pretty good mental cues for the ones I don't... shoving the knees out...).

It's just frustrating - if I had the mental perspective that I have now when I dropped the bar, I would have at least tried for another attempt.  I'll nail it next time.  (next time being March 25, since I already pulled out the schedule to look).

The very talented and lovely Cara Heads, my lifting coach, an Olympian, and as far as I'm concerned some of the best oly coaching talent this side of the Mississippi, squatting 321# for 10 reps.  And I'm over here whining about 200#.