While SAS was the hardest part for me diet-wise and threw my body and skin for a total loop, I have struggled to get back in line. And I feel it -- I feel gross, I'm bloated (this week in particular, but I digress), I can't maintain the ultra-low to no dose of my blood sugar medication I could when I was on a strict whole9 diet, and I'm certainly not achieving my goals or really even putting myself in a place to effectively and efficiently recover from workouts.
We are just about 5 months out from SuperFit (Cynthia and I started practice last week. I have programmed one WOD so far and it was fun, plus we got a bonus practice in last Friday when a torrential downpour turned the regular WOD in to a partner one) and I have a goal of being able to do two cycles in my gym's competitor's program before then, with an eye towards doing an individual competition later this year. My strength levels are pretty much on par for women's RX -- it is the body weight movements that are holding me back. Pull-ups, ring dips, and that elusive hand-stand pushup (even the THOUGHT of kicking up in to an inversion freaks me out). I have a few push-ups and some inconsistent double-unders, but I know those will come with a little bit of consistent practice -- after I am finished with finals, I am going to start dedicating a block of time a day for these suckers. The weird thing is based on my band assistance, if I were at my goal weight I would have many of these movements -- so it is just the challenge to keep increasing my strength and decreasing my weight, and eventually I'll be doing like 25# weighted pull-ups, right?
Oh, and I'm running a 5k in 30 days.
Anyway, not that I'm done whining about not being where I want to be... my birthday is a month from today. *throws confetti* Last year I gave myself the present of an Olympic Weightlifting Technique Course. If you are in the DC area, I can not say enough good things about this class with Olympian Cara Heads of CH Fitness and Performance*. I was lucky enough to learn the lifts at this clinic - we hadn't even touched on them in any of the Foundations classes I'd been to - so while I am always working, I don't have any awful bad habits to break.
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| Katie Hogan. |
So this year, with my birthday on the horizon, when Cynthia pointed out to me that Katie Hogan, an elite competitive Crossfitter who I always joke I want to be, was coming to Crossfit Annandale for a seminar.... hi, sign me up. This is also the day after the Whole9 seminar at my home gym, so it will be a busy (expensive) weekend full of good food and training.
I don't spend money on training to waste my time and waste the effort. I want to have at least the framework for skills in place so I can work on maximum efficiency, not just watch.
Are there (countless) obstacles between here and there? Absolutely! But I'm done with "I just want to eat this before I start again". I have done a Whole30 and a Whole60. I know what it feels like. I don't need that pinpoint compliance again at this point, but I do have to be "good enough". And I know what that means for me: zero gluten. zero legumes. even gluten-free grains are spotty, so those are reserved for truly special occassions. Dairy is okay -- a splash of heavy cream in my coffee, grassfed cheese on my burger or in my eggs. Ice cream is not dairy -- it is a sweet, and a treat, and on top of that it's one that makes my stomach unhappy. A little bit of fruit digests okay... but I feel better without it. Whey may be the lazy woman's post-workout, but it is absolutely better than nothing and personal opinion is that while it may not be optimal, it comes close enough to the results of real food to be acceptable - I honestly cannot tell a difference.
There is a fine line between living your life and overliving your life. I know I have, and I feel like it's relatively common, gone hot and cold between Whole30 compliance and wheels-off crap eating. I am struggling for a balance, a balance that lets me have a drink with friends but still enjoy performance in the gym. I have to realize that not having a treat isn't depriving myself -- it is treating myself, because it is treating myself the way I deserve. A bowl of pasta has emotional and physical implications for me and it sucks because it's just food, right? If only it were that easy. I've never had an eating disorder, but on some level I am still rehabbing a disordered relationship with food. It is fuel. It can be fuel I enjoy, fuel I share with friends... but it isn't something that controls me.
60 days between here and there. In between, I have events and I have life -- I have my birthday, and my cousin's wedding, just to name a few. I have made huge gains (and losses!) in the past year, but that is just the start. I know that it may take a little time, but I am good enough to acheive my goals. I am naturally strong -- and I don't know because I haven't struggled with the flip side, but I think that is the bigger battle. I KNOW skills will come with practice -- that's why they're called skills. Sure some things come slow -- because what things worth having every came easy? A derailment isn't the end -- it's just the beginning.
-b
*full disclaimer: I now work with Cara as a clinic and communications manager. But I trained with her before that, I train with her now, and I will recommend her as a coach forever.
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