Sixty Days of Awesome

It has been a hell of a month.  From the major work trade show to side projects that had a challenge hidden around every corner and in every divet to, cue horrible sound effects, finals week, I feel like I am doing everything I can just to make it through April in the upright position.

While SAS was the hardest part for me diet-wise and threw my body and skin for a total loop, I have struggled to get back in line.  And I feel it -- I feel gross, I'm bloated (this week in particular, but I digress), I can't maintain the ultra-low to no dose of my blood sugar medication I could when I was on a strict whole9 diet, and I'm certainly not achieving my goals or really even putting myself in a place to effectively and efficiently recover from workouts. 

We are just about 5 months out from SuperFit (Cynthia and I started practice last week.  I have programmed one WOD so far and it was fun, plus we got a bonus practice in last Friday when a torrential downpour turned the regular WOD in to a partner one) and I have a goal of being able to do two cycles in my gym's competitor's program before then, with an eye towards doing an individual competition later this year.  My strength levels are pretty much on par for women's RX -- it is the body weight movements that are holding me back.  Pull-ups, ring dips, and that elusive hand-stand pushup (even the THOUGHT of kicking up in to an inversion freaks me out).  I have a few push-ups and some inconsistent double-unders, but I know those will come with a little bit of consistent practice -- after I am finished with finals, I am going to start dedicating a block of time a day for these suckers.  The weird thing is based on my band assistance, if I were at my goal weight I would have many of these movements -- so it is just the challenge to keep increasing my strength and decreasing my weight, and eventually I'll be doing like 25# weighted pull-ups, right?

Oh, and I'm running a 5k in 30 days.

Anyway, not that I'm done whining about not being where I want to be... my birthday is a month from today. *throws confetti*  Last year I gave myself the present of an Olympic Weightlifting Technique Course.  If you are in the DC area, I can not say enough good things about this class with Olympian Cara Heads of CH Fitness and Performance*.  I was lucky enough to learn the lifts at this clinic - we hadn't even touched on them in any of the Foundations classes I'd been to - so while I am always working, I don't have any awful bad habits to break.

Katie Hogan.

So this year, with my birthday on the horizon, when Cynthia pointed out to me that Katie Hogan, an elite competitive Crossfitter who I always joke I want to be, was coming to Crossfit Annandale for a seminar.... hi, sign me up.  This is also the day after the Whole9 seminar at my home gym, so it will be a busy (expensive) weekend full of good food and training.

I don't spend money on training to waste my time and waste the effort.  I want to have at least the framework for skills in place so I can work on maximum efficiency, not just watch.

Are there (countless) obstacles between here and there?  Absolutely!  But I'm done with "I just want to eat this before I start again".  I have done a Whole30 and a Whole60.  I know what it feels like.  I don't need that pinpoint compliance again at this point, but I do have to be "good enough".  And I know what that means for me: zero gluten.  zero legumes.  even gluten-free grains are spotty, so those are reserved for truly special occassions.  Dairy is okay -- a splash of heavy cream in my coffee, grassfed cheese on my burger or in my eggs.  Ice cream is not dairy -- it is a sweet, and a treat, and on top of that it's one that makes my stomach unhappy.  A little bit of fruit digests okay... but I feel better without it.  Whey may be the lazy woman's post-workout, but it is absolutely better than nothing and personal opinion is that while it may not be optimal, it comes close enough to the results of real food to be acceptable - I honestly cannot tell a difference.

There is a fine line between living your life and overliving your life.  I know I have, and I feel like it's relatively common, gone hot and cold between Whole30 compliance and wheels-off crap eating.  I am struggling for a balance, a balance that lets me have a drink with friends but still enjoy performance in the gym.  I have to realize that not having a treat isn't depriving myself -- it is treating myself, because it is treating myself the way I deserve.  A bowl of pasta has emotional and physical implications for me and it sucks because it's just food, right?  If only it were that easy.  I've never had an eating disorder, but on some level I am still rehabbing a disordered relationship with food.  It is fuel.  It can be fuel I enjoy, fuel I share with friends... but it isn't something that controls me.

60 days between here and there.  In between, I have events and I have life -- I have my birthday, and my cousin's wedding, just to name a few.  I have made huge gains (and losses!) in the past year, but that is just the start.  I know that it may take a little time, but I am good enough to acheive my goals.  I am naturally strong -- and I don't know because I haven't struggled with the flip side, but I think that is the bigger battle.  I KNOW skills will come with practice -- that's why they're called skills.  Sure some things come slow -- because what things worth having every came easy?  A derailment isn't the end -- it's just the beginning.

-b

*full disclaimer: I now work with Cara as a clinic and communications manager.  But I trained with her before that, I train with her now, and I will recommend her as a coach forever.

I am a blog slacker.

Work is kicking me around, and school is taking over what's left.  I spent like 2 weeks trying to give up caffeine but today I decided I have to sideline it until after our trade show.

Also my T-spine is a wreck from something this week.  When I finish this discussion forum I need to get on the foam roller.  And you know, do laundry, etc.

I am trying for a week of CFSA-nutrition-program strict this week before I have to move to the hotel for work next Sunday.  At the very least, I need 5 days.  I love working shows, but I know it will wreck havoc on my eating.

In other exciting news, I bought a new blender ball and my voodoo x bands came in.  I love/hate my ankles.  I love/hate my ankles....

In less than 2 weeks this show will be over.  In a month (+/- depending on how much ass-hauling I do) school will be over and I

Goals this week aren't all related to Crossfit.

1) Get caught up in my homeland security law class.  This means doing a short assignment every day this week.  Need to prioritize if I want to
2) Don't buy any more food.  Going to be at a hotel for 4 days = eat what you have.  Plan ahead and put a meal for the day I get back in the freezer.
3) Look at my rest days... I didn't take one last week because I wanted to test my max jerk but that ended up not behooving me as I was too fried from the max the day before to put up a solid effort.  However, I will have Monday the 8th and Tuesday the 9th off at work, which aren't "recovery" days but can be days off.  Might take the 10th off too.  I want to make sure I work hard enough going up to a few days off to do some real recovery, but I also don't want to blow myself out when I am teetering this line of stress and fatigue.
4) Back squat 200#.  This is ridiculous.  Just do it.

I'm going kicking and screaming back in to the homework cave.  Tomorrow is max clean testing again, which I've tanked at this month soooooooooooo I'll just take it as it comes.

13.3

I went to Misha's this morning for the first time.  Delicious.  And they have coconut milk.  I might go back and get some beans that I could use in my Keurig, but I'd need the reusable filter for that -- and I'm really, really trying to cut back on coffee, which I'm actually doing pretty well on.  It might make for a nice weekend routine, though.

I really went there with the intent of doing homework -- however, after securing my medium Route 66, I couldn't find a table.  So I did the reasonable thing and went to Crossfit.

I hemmed and hawed over retesting my 13.3.  My reasons for not wanting to involved: my lack of conditioning with wallballs (in fact, the last time I did wallballs was on New Year's Eve); and overriding, the reason that I haven't done wallballs - the wrist I injured during CAL that still isn't 100% and unhappy with impact.  But historically (historically being "the last 2 weeks") I have added reps on my second go-around, and more importantly, I was overly unhappy with my performance.

The gym for me isn't a place to get emotional.  It's a place where I can check everything that has been bothering me at the door and pour my energy in to the workout.  Sure, I get sentimental about the experience of Crossfit as a whole, but that's not where my mind is when I'm picking up the bar.  So it's really unsettling for me for a workout to get to me as much as 13.3 did.  I feel like it highlights everything I haven't accomplished.  Which I mean is kind of the point, these workouts are designed to expose our weaknesses. 

I'm used to pain, I'm used to fighting, I'm used to being uncomfortable.  I don't mind a workout freaking me out a little bit, and I think a few pre-competition panic tears can be healthy.  But I just can't let go the fact that I sucked so bad at this.  And yeah I added 10 reps today to Thursday's score, but in the end it's still pathetic.  I was crying WHILE I was doing wallballs today -- not just collapsing on the ground beating myself up after (which I did Thursday).  I let myself down.  Again.

It's over and I don't get another chance at this.  Ultimately it's a diagnostic.  Ultimately I'll come back to it.  Ultimately I messed up my wrist again and it's probably back down in the 80% range instead of the 95% I was pushing.  And ultimately I am still pissed and hell AND still have to do my homework.

Pre-SAS clean eating day-whatever-this-is side note: last night I went to Chipotle with a small handful of people after the WOD, and I didn't finish my burrito bowl.  The longer I eat paleo, the more I notice that I'm not just mindlessly putting away compliant food.  I am actually getting full and being able to listen to my body.  Go leptin.

Day 4? Lessons from Crossfit. Mobility. Etc.

My one-year Crossfit Anniversary
Today.

Crossfit is one of those things that came in to my life exactly when I needed it.  It was serendipitous, and through all the pain, sweat, tears, and blood, it has been lovely.  I wouldn't ask for it any other way.  Maybe I'll wax poetic about this a little more later on.
The Mobility Seminar
I promised my teammate Cynthia a blog on this and it hasn't happened yet.  I keep forgetting my notebook places and having to do stupid adult things like find my floor and clean the sink.  For now, we'll suffice it to say:

• After my 13.2 retest, I literally could not lay on the ground and raise my legs.
• 15-20 minutes of mobility a day, every day.  I'm a full-time communications specialist, half-time student, Crossfitter, Paleo afficianado, and part-time social media ninja, so I know it can be hard to fit this in.  But just do it.
• Foam rolling is useless :-( (lacrosse balls are more portable, anyway, but I have a feeling that piece of PVC will be my BFF after 13.3)
• I'm enamored with the VooDoo band.  I've been trying to do it at least twice a day on my ankle -- which I have been having issues with for, oh, 15 years.  And other body parts.  It hurts and then it feels good.  Bizarre.
• Prioritize the spine.  Protect your back first and foremost.  It was really hard listening to talk about how central nervous system injury sucks and will mess you up while I was shifting around in my chair after seriously messing up my back during fast, light deadlifts.  Midline stability > everything else.

I'm also playing with pistols now.  I think it's more mobility in my ankles than I realized than strength -- I have fine mobility through a regular squat because I have awesome hip flexors (according to my massage therapist).

I'll touch back on this more.  But if you have the opportunity to go to this seminar, you should.  And also sit in the front row, it's more fun that way :)

Day 4 (/21)
New favorite breakfast: scramble some eggs in Southwest Ranch Tessemae's, throw on a mix of baby spinach and arugula, top with guacamole.  I've done eggs to death but they're do-able this way.

I'm eating less fat but I find this means I'm snacking more.  I guess it's a trade-off.  I'm going for a pedicure on my lunch and going to hit up Sweet Green afterwards.

Day 1. Again.

Welcome to Day 1. 

Some carrots, mushrooms, and 2 boneless chicken thighs I baked in paprika and lemon Tessemae's for breakfast.  Another one of the goals I've been working on is to drastically reduce my caffeine consumption, so though I want/need it this morning, I limited myself to a half black/half passion grande iced tea from Starbucks.  No food pictures.  Ever, preferably.

Well, maybe if I make soup...

This again...?

I just got back from getting ice cream -- well, frozen custard -- with Christina at the Dairy Godmother in Del Ray.  This is at least the 4th time in the last 8 days that I've consumed some form of overly sugared-up dessert product.  And holy shit, am I feeling it.  I have a slight persistent headache, I don't sleep well, I am TIRED, I'm bloated, I'm not recovering as fast, my joints don't feel good... overall I just don't.  feel.  good.

Since my Whole60 ended last Saturday, I have done incredibly rude things to my body while still demanding excellence of performance out of it.  I asked for performance both mentally: Level 1 (which I passed) and Mobility and Movement certification in 8 days with 5 days of day job in the middle, and physically: hello, 13.2 on Thursday and Friday, and I got it, but as I sit in my couch in lulu, I have nothing left to give.  This is, for the record, NOT the way you are supposed to come off a nutrition program.  I didn't need to do the tenative, gentle off-ramping because I did that last time and know how foods effect me.  But I went a little nuts because I knew that come Monday (aka, tomorrow) I would be going back on a strict eating challenge with another small group from my gym.

My participation came with a caveat that I'm going to refer to as both an experiment and exercise for me.  I will be eating clean from March 18 until the evening of April 7.  From there, I will proceed to take a stab at gluten-free eating while I spend 3 full days living, sleeping, breathing a work conference in National Harbor.  When I am able to pack up my car at the end of the show on April 10 and drive back in to Virginia, I will be back to compliance for the last 8 days.  I think this is going to be really good for me, actually: to be realistic with my expectations for those 3 days at the Gaylord, buffered by 3 weeks of compliant eating before and a guaranteed week after.

Speaking of realistic expectations, I have two frameworks going in to this next stretch of clean eating.

1. Consistently max it out in the gym.  This means doing everything I can to support optimum performance when I am in the box, including sleep, days off, pre- and post-workout nutrition (and supplementation).  I am going to add in two days a week of running in preparation for a 5k I am doing in May, so I need to figure out how to cycle that in as well.
2. Portion control.  I have spent the last 4 months eating clean but without a lot of regard for portions -- half a chicken and two avocados?  SOUNDS GOOD!  I am going to use the Whole30 meal template as a start -- palm size portion of protein and dialing back on my fat consumption.  It is my plan to do this for the first week, and then reevaluate my hunger levels and see if I need to adjust from there.  Eating compliant food in non-compliant portions was only going to work for so long, unfortunately, and I am not quite halfway to my body composition goals.

As a personal challenge, I would like to try experimenting with at least one, hopefully two, new recipes every week.  It is easy to get complacent in the kitchen (or in the Good Stuff/Chipotle lines), but I know there is more delicious paleo food out there.  I'm thinking about trying to make a clean kung pao chicken.  I'm hoping to blog my kitchen adventures, but only the good ones, not every bite that goes in to my mouth.  This is about making this lifestyle fun and sustainable, not falling face-first in to a box of Samoas.

I've toyed with leaving the scale in the closet this month too.  Jury is still out on that one, and the scale is still chillin' with the Samoas.  In the closet.

Pre-program investment.  Doing the things that allow you to change your life can be freaking scary.  Do them anyway.

"This or That"

Cheese: cool.

Ice cream: boo. (This is nothing I didn't know)

Pink berry fro yo: fine.

Fireworks gluten-free pizza: thumbs down.

Sigh. The intolerance to the gluten-free crust is new. It makes me very hesitant to even try gluten.

Gluten: I've had pie crust with gluten in it (it was delicious) but my right arm/shoulder pain flared up within an hour. I've had joint pain from gluten before - yeah, this stuff is nasty.

The pie and ice cream made me sleepy and grossly full, but nothing adverse otherwise. I'm ok - but I'm not *happy*. Right now feels much more lie survival than thriving.

Still tapering down the caffiene as well in prep for next week (and sea air space). I want and need consistent energy levels without chemicals. This has me knocked on my ass as well. One cup a day. A second cup in the afternoon on days I train twice.