Tuesday, December 18, 2012
2013 and the decimation of my comfort zone
When I started doing Crossfit, I was initially really frustrated when I couldn't "project manage" the crap out of it. This continued for several months, through the really-freaking-hot Virginia summer, until I realized that um, I could project manage my life the same way I manage my work. So I jumped in to a Whole30, went to the gym 6 days a week, and I didn't look back.
But 25 pounds (and a 30 pound CFT PR) later, I was eventually going to hit a stumbling block. Finals and term papers backed me up, my eating fell apart even harder than my sleep schedule did, and I had an uncharacteristically craptastic workout. Like, "oh hey I'm pretty sure this worse than I felt when I did my first Crossfit workout ever" craptastic.
But in addition to my fail workout last night, I also sat through a goals seminar. Goals seminars are one of my favorite things that we do at CFSA, maybe because I'm really planning-oriented or maybe because I like to see others dream and share in their vision. It's inspiring. But also the truth is, no matter how many people you recruit in to helping you achieve your goals, you won't do it if you don't want it bad enough.
And so today, when I was able to step back at look at the suck and how to fix it, I'm reminded of WHY I want to fix it: I want to achieve my goals. I don't have to -- and I won't -- beat myself up about it, I'm just going to refocus and jump forward in to my goals with such momentum I can't be distracted. Which in my case, in Crossfit, in 2013, happen to be:
It's been years since I've competed, and even longer since I competed in any kind of team sport. My attitude about CAL has been kind of self-depreciating. I need to stop that. And I need to realize it's okay to draw strength and inspiration in where I've come from, in my inner strength, and in my outer strength too. No, I can't do that pull-up, and yes, maybe that will slow me down in competition, but that doesn't mean I can't be a contributing member of the team. I'm strong, I'm a pretty good rower, and I have great Olympic lifts (partly because I'm consistent with my practice -- remember, I like to manage -- and partly because I have the most kick-ass weightlifting coach this side of the Mississippi), and I'm strategic.
I'm a photographer. Particularly in the context of Crossfit competitions, I'm a photographer. I stand behind a lens, I capture moments, and I let people share their glory through my photos. I love it. I'm so comfortable there. But I've been a photographer for a couple years now, and sometimes it's just an excuse to be a passive participant. People love the photographer, and photographers can so often because part of the group they spend so much time with. But they AREN'T who they spend time with. If I want that distinction, I have to stop telling stories and start participating in my own.
I had to, at some point, make the judgement call that I had enough trust in the coaches and community at CFSA to let them see my comfort zone and shove me outside of it. It's an opportunity to grow, and to let me teammates inspire me with their achievements, and to take adrenaline and harness it. Yeah, I'm scared -- I'm scared of letting people down. But sometimes, you (me) have to take a deep breath, step outside your comfort zone, and just do it.
I don't need to analyze to death what went wrong in the last week. Not enough good food, not enough sleep, enough stress to send me climbing the walls. My job now is to embrace the suck, and not let knock me off my course. Because letting things beyond my control, and things that went wrong that I have complete control to fix, aren't going to get me a 300# deadlift.
I don't eat Paleo because it's expected of me, I eat that way because I know how awesome it makes me feel. I don't strive for 8 hours of sleep because some blog tells me to, I do it because I work too hard in the gym to waste the effort with crap recovery. I do it all so that I live a better life, and I do it because I have goals that keep me going.
Because at the end of the day, other people are important. But they can't want it bad enough for you.
I'm not just looking forward to 2013 -- I'm freaking excited! I've seen what I can do in 2012 -- I've started a new job, started grad school, and changed my fitness as well as the way I think about it with Crossfit. I'm looking forward to hitting the ground running when I get back from PA with 60 days of 100% clean eating, and underneath the scared, I'm excited about competing. I'm excited about taking everything about 2012 and making it better.
But 25 pounds (and a 30 pound CFT PR) later, I was eventually going to hit a stumbling block. Finals and term papers backed me up, my eating fell apart even harder than my sleep schedule did, and I had an uncharacteristically craptastic workout. Like, "oh hey I'm pretty sure this worse than I felt when I did my first Crossfit workout ever" craptastic.
But in addition to my fail workout last night, I also sat through a goals seminar. Goals seminars are one of my favorite things that we do at CFSA, maybe because I'm really planning-oriented or maybe because I like to see others dream and share in their vision. It's inspiring. But also the truth is, no matter how many people you recruit in to helping you achieve your goals, you won't do it if you don't want it bad enough.
And so today, when I was able to step back at look at the suck and how to fix it, I'm reminded of WHY I want to fix it: I want to achieve my goals. I don't have to -- and I won't -- beat myself up about it, I'm just going to refocus and jump forward in to my goals with such momentum I can't be distracted. Which in my case, in Crossfit, in 2013, happen to be:
- Weighing 150 pounds and being able to deadlift 300 pounds
- Completing Fran as RX
- Compete in Capital Affiliate League (this is coming whether I'm ready for it or not)
- Get a strict pull-up
- Complete my Level 1 (because I'm going to the mobility seminar that I'm attending in March, I'd like to have that cert under my belt)
It's been years since I've competed, and even longer since I competed in any kind of team sport. My attitude about CAL has been kind of self-depreciating. I need to stop that. And I need to realize it's okay to draw strength and inspiration in where I've come from, in my inner strength, and in my outer strength too. No, I can't do that pull-up, and yes, maybe that will slow me down in competition, but that doesn't mean I can't be a contributing member of the team. I'm strong, I'm a pretty good rower, and I have great Olympic lifts (partly because I'm consistent with my practice -- remember, I like to manage -- and partly because I have the most kick-ass weightlifting coach this side of the Mississippi), and I'm strategic.
I'm a photographer. Particularly in the context of Crossfit competitions, I'm a photographer. I stand behind a lens, I capture moments, and I let people share their glory through my photos. I love it. I'm so comfortable there. But I've been a photographer for a couple years now, and sometimes it's just an excuse to be a passive participant. People love the photographer, and photographers can so often because part of the group they spend so much time with. But they AREN'T who they spend time with. If I want that distinction, I have to stop telling stories and start participating in my own.
 |
| borrowed from tumblr. |
I had to, at some point, make the judgement call that I had enough trust in the coaches and community at CFSA to let them see my comfort zone and shove me outside of it. It's an opportunity to grow, and to let me teammates inspire me with their achievements, and to take adrenaline and harness it. Yeah, I'm scared -- I'm scared of letting people down. But sometimes, you (me) have to take a deep breath, step outside your comfort zone, and just do it.
I don't need to analyze to death what went wrong in the last week. Not enough good food, not enough sleep, enough stress to send me climbing the walls. My job now is to embrace the suck, and not let knock me off my course. Because letting things beyond my control, and things that went wrong that I have complete control to fix, aren't going to get me a 300# deadlift.
I don't eat Paleo because it's expected of me, I eat that way because I know how awesome it makes me feel. I don't strive for 8 hours of sleep because some blog tells me to, I do it because I work too hard in the gym to waste the effort with crap recovery. I do it all so that I live a better life, and I do it because I have goals that keep me going.
Because at the end of the day, other people are important. But they can't want it bad enough for you.
I'm not just looking forward to 2013 -- I'm freaking excited! I've seen what I can do in 2012 -- I've started a new job, started grad school, and changed my fitness as well as the way I think about it with Crossfit. I'm looking forward to hitting the ground running when I get back from PA with 60 days of 100% clean eating, and underneath the scared, I'm excited about competing. I'm excited about taking everything about 2012 and making it better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)